just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
