hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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