It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
