it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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