just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
