Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this just has baby written all over it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
