if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
