at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
