I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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