Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
