I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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