dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize