My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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