Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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