Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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