I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
