I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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