How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
