If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
