Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
