Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
