OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
