The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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