Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
