you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
