I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
