im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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