I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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