Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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