its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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