the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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