i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize