just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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