I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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