At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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