Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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