My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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