everyone is single if you try hard enough
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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