You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
