Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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