Sry I called you an 8
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
