I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
