This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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