his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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