Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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