They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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