Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
