I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
