mondays should just be called national damage control day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
