Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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