Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
