Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
