You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
