It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
