I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
