i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
