i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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